Sunday, April 11, 2010

Ramblings of a not so lucid Mumma

It's been so busy that I haven't had time to blog like I should be. This is my journal and I really should be better at keeping it up to date. We've had a little going on in our little section of the world and as a mom of five, I don't have a whole lot of quiet down-time. :)
Right now I'm listening to the very loud sounds of two little girls crying because their small TV watching world has ended for the time being. Oh what noise they can make!
We don't watch a ton of television in our home. I would rather the kids be doing something productive; reading, writing, playing outside, anything else. This causes some drama some times in our not so quiet home.
In their birth families, television was used as a babysitter so very much of the time. Sometimes so that the "adults" in the situation could go and do as they pleased without regard to the little ones in the home. Sometimes it was turned on because they didn't know how else to parent their children. TV on = quiet kids. I'm not blaming them, although I do recognize that it seems that way.
I have had so many mixed emotions about birth families lately and I often don't know what exactly I should feel. I read several adoption blogs and their experiences are often far different than what I have experienced in adopting my girls or my three that we are in the process of adopting now. I realize that it is different when the children are in foster care, rather than placed for adoption at birth. I have sympathy and compassion for these families that gave birth to my children, somewhere in my heart. Unfortunately that is sometimes replaced with anger and contempt.
Cary and I feel that Gab and Bug have always been meant to be *our* girls. Honestly, it doesn't feel as though we adopted them. Maybe that's one of the blessings of being sealed in the temple as an eternal family. They do have scars, both physical and emotional, of their lives previous. It is so maddening that these tiny little girls have endured such pain and will carry that with them. I think, though, that those scars are fading, and in time I hope they will fade completely. We're blessed to be their Mumma and Daddy, even when they are howling. ;)

We have started the process of adopting our other three kiddos. The adoption will happen some time in June. Being older it has been harder for them. It was monumental when they were actually able to say that they wanted to be adopted by Cary and I. We have never pushed them and have allowed them time to be angry and to grieve. Losing my Daddyo has given me a better perspective about the loss they are feeling. I think the adoption day itself will be a difficult one for them, but I hope one day they are able to look back on it and realize that it gave them a chance they might have never had otherwise.

I'm excited to be able to actually post photos of them and share them with everyone.

We were out shopping yesterday, as a family(yes, it is so much easier when all of us go), and this lovely little woman stopped all of us next to the frozen potatoes. She looked at me and smiled sweetly. "Excuse me, but I wanted to tell you that you have such beautiful children!", she said. This totally took me off guard and after I had corralled the boys in front of the buggy I smiled back at her and thanked her for the kind words. She repeated herself and looked at Cary and myself. "You both are beautiful as well. Such a beautiful, beautiful family." Cary was bewildered and I was slightly embarrassed. I thanked her again and told her she was very kind as we parted. I looked at all of my kids and smiled. I do have beautiful children.I am blessed to have them and I love each of them. Even when they are howling.
Right? Um, Right.


Kristina P. said...

I had no idea you were adopting a sibling group! I would love to hear more about it.

It sounds like you are well prepared and know what you are in for. I was a DCFS caseworker, and I also read a lot of adoption blogs. I cringe when I see posts from people who have never fostered, who want to adopt sibling groups. They are so, so ill prepared to deal with the behavior problems that are imminent.

Amy C. said...

I can't believe you have FIVE kids! I am happy for you guys and know you are a fabulous mother! Good luck with the whole process. I am sure it is stressful and hard but so rewarding and joyful too!

CaryManda said...

We are adopting part of a sibling group- :) It's a looong story, but I will share it. :) I never knew you were a CW! Where were you when I needed a good one?? ;)

Amy- I cant believe I have five kids either some days! ;) Some days it feels like it and some days it doesn't. You're too sweet!
We miss you fellas! Hope everything is going well for you :) Baby is almost here! yay :)