Saturday, February 9, 2013

If only for a little while...

It has been a whirl wind of a couple weeks for this little whanau. Everyone in the house has been sick, including me. It's never a good thing when the Momma gets sick. I've been so blessed with dear friends who take care of us, even when I'm too whiny to do so. Cary stepped in and took care of us too, even with going to school and going to work every day. Man, we're lucky to have him. I was in the bedroom coughing my guts out when I got this text from Cary:


 Photo: Who dares to doubt my Everest's cooking skillz? I luffs him for stepping up while I think I'm dying.. And no, I don't think he plans on putting the cereal IN the sbigetti, it's just a tasty side dish :)

He makes my heart so happy.

But, Before the sickness started is when all of the excitement truly happened.
  Last Wednesday, out of the blue, I received a phone call from an RFC (Resource Family Consultant) who finds foster homes for children who come into the system. We had not received a phone call in quite a while so this call came as somewhat of a surprise. He told me that he had a newborn baby girl that was possibly coming into care this afternoon after court and wondered if we would be willing to take her.
Shock. Excitement. Giddiness. Fear. Worry. Sadness.
You name the emotion, and I probably felt it. I told him that I would have to speak to Cary about it before I could give him a definite answer and I would call him soon with an answer.
How fortuitous that I was actually having lunch with Cary at that moment. I was wide-eyed as I explained the situation to him. He had a lot of questions, but mainly "How are the girls going to feel about it?"
I knew that the girls would be excited, but he wasn't as certain. We talked it over, discussed the what ifs, the how longs, the who wills, the everything.
He was on board. It was about 15 minutes until the girls got home from school, so I decided to wait a little while longer to call the RFC back, just to make sure the girls were as excited as I thought they would be. 
I picked them up from school and relayed the story to them. There were squeals of delighted excitement echoing through the van. They were excited to have a baby sister!
We were going to do this.
I called him back and told the RFC that we would be happy to be her foster home and would wait to hear from him.
The waiting was endless.
We finally got a call at about 4:30pm from the caseworker of the little girl. We were told that she would be coming to our home, but had to be taken to the hospital first.
I wept.
I didn't even know this little person yet, but I felt so protective of her already.
She finally came to our home at 9pm that Wednesday night. She was a teeny tiny baby, two months old, and 7 pounds of cuteness. The caseworker took her right out of the carseat and placed her in my arms.
She was beautiful. I instantly felt a love for her, felt protective of her, and yet...I knew she wasn't mine.
I knew she was not meant to be part of our forever family.
The caseworker talked to us for what seemed like hours, telling us the story of the baby, the parents, the bio family. We listened and asked many questions too, finding out as much as we could about the situation. Finally, the caseworker left and it was just us with this new little person.
The girls were sneaking upstairs, so we introduced them to the Baby and they were in love. 
They stroked her hair, held her fingers, rubbed her cheeks, nuzzled her face.
 It was precious.
 They toddled off to bed again as Cary and I took turns feeding and changing the little one.
During a quiet moment, I started crying. Concerned, Cary asked me what was wrong. I told him that I was sad that she didn't feel like she was meant to be ours.
Does that even make sense? Probably not to a sane person.
I shooed the feelings away and decided to just enjoy the time we had with her and enjoy taking care of her.
It was a sleepless night, but it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. She perked up quite a bit and ate like a little piggie. It was adorable. I loved every second.
That afternoon I got a call from the caseworker. Kin had stepped forward and if they passed the background check and home inspection, the baby girl would be going to them soon. I told the girls and Cary and we were all sad. We did not want to dwell on it, so we pushed it from our minds and continued to enjoy everything about this little one. Later that night, I was called again and told that Baby Girl would be going to a Kinship placement.
I told the family and for a family of 7, it was certainly very quiet.
The caseworker would come at 230pm the next afternoon to pick up her up.
I wanted Cary to be there with me when she would leave, but he had meetings that he thought couldn't be changed.
I had the entire morning to cuddle, love, snuggle, and assure this baby girl that she would be OK. I KNEW she would be. I told her of her strength, of her determination, of her ability to turn hard hearts softer. She smiled and cooed at me as if to  say she understood and thanked me for taking care of her. 
230 came. The caseworker came. My heart sank.
I placed baby girl in her carseat as I helped gather all of her belongings.
My girls came home from school. My heart started breaking as they cried, as they stroked her hair one last time, as they held her finger one last time, as they gave her one last nuzzle.
Then, My Hero came through the door.
His eyes met mine and were filled with more love and concern than I could ever adequately express in writing. He took charge of the situation. Handling the caseworker, the things, the baby, His Girls. All four of us.
We gave a last smooch, a last cuddle, and then she was gone.
I held my girls on the couch as we cried and prayed for our family and the baby we came to love so much so quickly. Cary came and gathered us up and I felt peace.
I do not know why this little one was meant to come to our home for such a little while, but I do know that she was supposed to be here.
She made us all realize that we are missing someone from our family. Our family is not yet complete.  She was not meant to stay with us forever, but our baby is waiting to come to our family, whenever and HOWever that may be.  We are ready and waiting.

I believe that Heavenly Father helped to prepare me for her not staying very long with us. I think she was supposed to come here to show each of us how important a baby is to us and how that baby will affect us. It will be amazing and I can't wait. Our baby will be OUR baby. Not mine, not Cary's, but each of ours.
Yoalli shared this with me: "Mom, I just love her so much. She brought so much happiness to our family."     
And she did.  

I saw this and it made me smile:



Monday, January 21, 2013

Holy. Bananas.

Life certainly gets in the way of blogging, at least it does for me. Perhaps if it were a career, or I didn't have five of the cutest little mongrels ever needing to go here and there and do this and that, I would be able to write down my thoughts more frequently.

At any rate, here it is almost one year later and things, they are a'changin'. The kids are growing at record speed, I'm convinced of it. We are currently preparing Tonathiu for 9th grade. Seriously. The kid will be 15 this year. Sadly, that means I will be 35. Let's not dwell on that number though, shall we? He and I have gone through some terribly difficult times, and still struggle. I am doing better with it. I even realized that *I* was the adult in this relationship. It took me a while, sadly. There's a song that recently became popular by a fella named Phillip Phillips. It's called "Home" and the verse that touched my heart so deeply was this:

Settle down, it'll all be clear
Don't pay no mind to the demons
They fill you with fear
The trouble it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found

Just know you’re not alone
Cause I’m going to make this place your home

 I had to first realize that they are, in fact, HIS demons. I'll be here for him and I will help him conquer them, but I can't let them become Mine.
Anyway, I digress
 Cuauhtli turns 13 on Friday. I watched him work on the computer the other night and was amazed at how much of a young man he has become. Incredible. His features are changing, his voice is changing ever so slightly, and he is even growing a little fuzz on his top lip. I think he's most self conscious about the latter. Through it all, he's still my little pal and loves a good snuggle on the couch. He can drive me mad, but makes me laugh at the same time. He's been blessed with that gift, hopefully he will surround himself with people who can appreciate that.
Yoalli will be coming into Young Women's with me this year. In August she will be 12. A Beehive. Incredible. Her current obsessions are Harry Potter and all things music. She loves every aspect of music and is amazingly talented on the piano. I love listening to her play and especially love when she makes up her own songs.
GabbaGabba will be 10 in two short months. She's still our little Girl of the Sea. She has developed her Daddy's sense of humor, which is both a good and a bad thing. Her teacher told me that she was voted the "Funniest Person" in their class. The compliment? Her teacher also said that Gabby loves to make people laugh, but never laughs at anyone or makes them feel badly. And she never makes fun of anyone. Oh how i love that little girl.
BuggaBugga will be 8 in April. That little firecracker will be baptized in a couple of months and I can hardly believe it. She is excited and ready and tells me daily that she is "such a big girl". Yeah, Yeah, I'm all to aware. It's been so neat watching her progress. She still rages occasionally, but nothing like that little girl that first came to live with us. I am still unsure how I made it through that first year. Lots of blessings, I reckon.  She is in second grade this year and has discovered a love of reading. It greatly outweighs her love of spelling, which isn't a difficult task. She is in tap and ballet and thinks she's pretty fabulous when she can flit around in her feathery costumes and clicky shoes. She's Amazing.

Cary is old. As am I. He went back to university this January to finish up. Oh my. The Homework. It hasn't  been as difficult as I thought it wold be, but that's probably because he's been able to take internet classes as well as classroom courses. Cuauhtli did announce tonight that he hated college though. The kids miss their Dad and all of his bad jokes.

I'm on this healthy lifestyle kick since September/October. I've lost almost 50 lbs and only have about 3873 more to go. It's hard and kicks my trash, but it is oh so worth it. Perhaps I'll post photos for some motivation? There's nothing like seeing yourself larger than life with no cropping that will scare the chocolates out of your hand.

We hope to be having some exciting news to share this year, so keep clicking.
that's what you call a cliff hanger.
And with that,