A Gardner Village Experience

This will be a short post compared to the novel I just wrote. I had to write a few lines and throw a few photos up, mainly so that I don't get any phone calls or emails from worried friends and families thinking that I have either A.lost my mind or B.suffer from a horrible case of Depression and/or psychotic episodes.


I have some good friends. I have a couple of gals whom I am pretty close to that have dubbed themselves (and me too, i guess) the Wonder Women. I think each of them are amazing, wonderful, women and I love them dearly.

We decided to take a girl's trip to Gardner Village in some city in Utah. I don't know exactly where it is, really does it matter? We made a day out of it and went to Archibald's for dinner. We were almost asked to leave by some very posh older ladies who quite frankly didn't appreciate our humor or Heidi pretending to grab my boobies.
Seriously, who wouldn't like to watch a little girl on girl action in the middle of a bunch of elderly hoighty-toighty (that is *SO* a word that I use!) folks.

I needed a break from the day to day grind and I truly needed some giggles.
Mission. Accomplished.

We made a day of it and hit all the old lady craft stores and I was able to find some good deals. :)
Here are just a few of the photos from that day!

A post! Huzzah!

I haven't written in A. While.! The days seem to be zooming by faster and faster and I am barely getting into bed before I have to get out of it again. I wish time would go slower. My "baby" will be five in April and that is all she can talk about. Cary and I are trying to convince her to stay four forever, but she is having NONE of it. Stinkin' kid.
It's Sunday today and although Sundays are still quite hard for me, it is turning out to be a pretty good day. Next Sunday will be 2 months since my Dad has passed away and it has definitely been a very difficult two months. I still miss him every.single.day. Bug often talks about him and still asks "why poppie went to Heaven". I still don't have the answers for her.
A couple of weeks ago, right about the time we were pummeled with a huge snow fall, I decided it was time to go out and visit with my Dad at the grave site. I wanted to go alone, stay out there by myself for a while, but my darling husband wouldn't hear of it. He wanted to be there for me, physically and emotionally. In all honestly, I did need him there and was grateful he decided to go for me. :) He has known what I need, even when I don't (or won't) tell him.
We took all of our little childrens out to the cemetery, all bundled up, in the snow, to visit with my Dad. His birthday was December 14th and I had made him a couple of things with which to decorate. It was therapeutic for me to make something for him and know that he would be pleased with it. We went out and searched for him. Keep in mind it was covered with about a foot or two of snow at the time. We found him, somehow, and I gave him his gifts. I sat and talked with him for a good long while and told him some things that I felt like I needed to tell him. Things I wished with all of my heart that I would have told him while he was still here with me. I cried. Cary cried. My kids cried. It was a very emotional day. It also helped me quite a bit. I'm going to share some things that you might find completely insane, but they happened and think of it what you will. This is my *journal* and I need to write it down to remember it. Perhaps one day my kids will read it and think I'm a nut too. :) who knows!
To preface this I will say that since my Dad passed away, I haven't had an "experience" with him. I hadn't really felt his presence, which was somewhat of a relief while cleaning out his apartment, and some somewhat of a disappointment because I desperately wanted to feel a connection to him still. While at the cemetery, I pleaded with him to know and understand how much I love him and how sorry I am for not being the best daughter I could have been to him always. I still very much regret that. I also asked him to come and visit me to let me know that he is watching out for us and he is still very much aware of what is going on with us. I want him to know how much I love him and how much his grand-babies love him.
So, that was that. I left feeling a bit better. A good cry usually does that to a person, no?
A couple of days later I was getting ready for bed. I was sitting in the living room with nothing on except for the Christmas tree lights. I really like sitting in the dark silence watching the lights twinkle and a couple of special ornaments sparkle and dance in the light. I have a fatso cat named Marty. She's about 9 years old and acts as though she rules the roost around here. I threatened to give her to my Dad several times, but he didn't want to clean up after kitty cats. (understandably so)
She started acting really weird. She was pacing around the top of the stairs, staring down them, watching the door, meowing. I talked to her for a minute, but it didn't seem to help her feel better. I then thought to myself, I wonder! I wonder if my Dad is here! I kind of got the big eyes and brushed it off and went to bed, leaving Marty out here to visit with my Dad, if it was him. :)
A couple of days after that I was in the pantry fumbling around, trying to get things ready for the kids to go to school. It was early and I was tired. All of the sudden, I heard my Dad talking, saying something. To me? I'm not sure. I couldn't really understand his words and honestly I was a bit freaked out. I was trying to figure out who was talking and what exactly they were saying. I thought immediately to myself that it was my Dad and he was there. I don't know if it was my mind playing tricks on me, or if I was wanting to hear something so much that I did. Not sure. But, I did hear it.
When I told Cary about it later I got really emotional. He says that our loved ones don't visit with us to freak us out and they don't come around for no good reason. They will come and comfort us. I am comforted. Sundays are easier. I am healing. I *almost* don't cry when someone asks me how I am doing now. :) HUGE. Improvement. !

We will make it. We will never forget him. We will never stop loving him. That's the way it should be, No?

Happy Birthday Dad. Merry Christmas Daddy-o. Love you.

Some Family Time, Some Service, Some Giggles....

Last week at our FHE we talked about service and King Benjamin. We talked about how many people have helped us over these past couple of weeks, from everything to food to taking our garbage out, and everything in between.
We want our kids to know how good it feels to give service as well. Even the smallest act of service can be gratefully received.
So, we drew names out of a hat and did a secret service mission. No one was *supposed* to tell who they got and they had to do at least one act of service for that person during the week. We would all tell who we got and what we did for that person on the next FHE, tonight.
The kids really got into it and enjoyed it. They know how blessed we have been by good friends and whanau and so they said it felt good to do something nice for someone else.
This is definitely something we are going to keep doing. It's fun and easy and makes them think of someone besides themselves.

Cary and I had respite this weekend, which means that one of our dear friends watched all five of our kids for us from Friday night until Sunday afternoon. What a blessing! We really needed some quiet time to finish up some business for my dad and I had to go through funeral photos to send back to the family back East. The kids have seen me cry enough for a year or so at least.
It was good to have hubz and wifey time, but we did miss our kidlets.
The first thing my 8 yr old girl did was come in and say, "OH I MISSED YOU SO VERY MUCH!!" :) happiness in my heart!

Bug keeps telling us that she missed us so much while she was gone and asks if we cried a little because we didn't get to see her. Such a stinking cute little mongrel.
We watched UP last night as a family and it was a really cute movie. Started out pretty sucky for me, but it got better. :)

Back to the other story:
So, tonight after we had talked about our secret service missions we decided that everyone earned an extra special treat. We took all the kiddos out to Smart Cookie and had cookies and milk. Yummo! I had 5 free coupons good for 2 cookies and a milk. I think I had to pay $1 for two extra milks. What a deal! The kids loved it and it was good to get out and have some fun.
We got home and got the little girls off to bed and finished up homework with the older kids. My 9 yr old comes to me and says, "Oh I'm so constipated!"
Ew.
I had some medicine that I got for Bug when she couldn't poop, so I gave him some of it tonight. He was very leery and didn't know if he should take it. He kept asking what it would do to him and if he would be ok. Cary got pretty tired of this pretty quickly and said, "Boy! You're not going to crap your brains out!"
could. not. stop. laughing.
He was so worried and got so serious suddenly, which made me laugh even harder. We then had several fart/poop jokes, which I don't usually laugh at but tonight I couldn't help myself. It was good to laugh again with my boys.
So, that was our night. One of my boys went to bed afraid he was going to poo himself in his sleep and the other one went to bed hoping the other would so he could make fun of him.
I'm off to bed now too, morning comes so quickly.
stinking spinning earth.

THE NAULU TRIBE: Gift of Giving Contest begins

THE NAULU TRIBE: Gift of Giving Contest begins

Devri is doing an amazing thing on her blog.
Check it out!

Lean On Me...

So I was sitting in the car tonight waiting on Cary to finish up some business and I turned on the radio. I haven't turned the radio on much since everything has happened. My dad often said that he didn't like country music because it was too sad and hit too close to home. Yes, I am a country music fan. I used to love me some good sad heart break ballad by a country crooner. Now, not so much. I hear him saying those words every time I look at the stereo in the car.
Just. can't. do. it.
I have music loving kids, so this is weird for them. I'll get back there, but not just yet.
Tonight, however, I pushed the button and I heard one of my old time favorites, "Lean on Me" by Bill Withers. I love Bill Withers. His voice is peaceful and beautiful.
The first line says:
"Some....times in our lives, we all have pain, we all have sorrow. But, If we are wise, we know that there is always tomorrow."
Those words rang very true for me this day.
I have been so blessed to have so many wonderful people to lean on these past few weeks. I could not have made it through without them.
My Cary has been my most amazing supporter and protector. I love him dearly and can't imagine my life without him in it. I pray that I never do.

We are healing. I am healing. It is slow. It is painful.
Our lives are somewhat getting back to normal, sometimes I feel very guilty for that.
Thank you for your prayers, your love, your encouraging words.
I am grateful.

The Heart of A Little Bug

We are muddling through this week. It has been harder than I thought it would be. Almost everyone in the house has been sick this week. I think 6 out of 7 of us. Gab went in last Saturday and was diagnosed with H1N1 and it was downhill for the rest of us from there. I have tried to be strong and I think I am gett*ing* stronger, but it's a tough road.

Bug told me tonight that she is going to start praying that Poppie can come down from Heaven and visit us. "I miss Poppie so much, Mommy". That, is perhaps, one of the hardest things to hear and it usually pushes me right over the tear filled edge.
I love that she loves him so much and I hope he knows how much his little "love bug" loves and misses him.

At Rest...

Yesterday was the funeral. It was a day full of sadness and I was anxious. Anxious as to what would happen, seeing the casket, mourning my father so publicly. It was a difficult day.
My dad was laid to rest at Utah Veterans Memorial Cemetery at Camp Williams. It is nearby so I can visit when I need to and decorate and honor his grave. He was laid to rest on a hillside with the mountains behind him and the mountains in front of him.
The VFW was there and paid an awesome tribute to my dad. He received the full 21-gun salute and they played "Taps". It was beautiful. I wept and wept. I was in awe as I watched these older gentlemen in their best uniforms and honoring my dad's memory so brilliantly. I couldn't help but wish that my dad could have lived longer. He was taken to early, for me, although I know it was his time and part of Heavenly Father's plan. The retrieved the flag from his casket, folded it, and presented it to me. The man speaking to me was gentle and kind, and I wish I wouldn't have been crying so hard so I could have heard what he was saying better.

The pallbearers were Cary, Joe (Cary's Dad), Mark (Cary's brother), Justin (our brother-in-law), Steve Anderton, and Jared Carlson. All men whom my dad admired and respected. They carried him quietly and proudly and I wept. Again.
The service was lovely. The songs were perfect. Cary spoke of my dad and his love for him. Our Bishop spoke and said that the first time he met my dad he was impressed with him. The thing that suck out the most was his love for his daughter and that he would do anything for his daughter.
I wept.
It is hard for me to be so open and raw with my emotions. Especially when it is in front of others. I don't like being vulnerable and I don't like to show that weakness. Yesterday, however, I had no control over it.
Things went much more smoothly than *I* thought they would. It was a beautiful service and I know that it made my dad proud. I hope he can feel my love for him beyond the veil and know that I can't wait to hug him again.